Friday, March 11, 2011

A Marathon of Thoughts

You know that stage where your bed is so comfortable you do not want to get out of it but your mind is racing a million miles a minute so staying in bed is anything but relaxing? I feel like I just ran a marathon, in my head.

Throughout this season of helplessness, I am forced to surrender my future, yet again. It's such a beautiful thing to see God orchestrate my life, I have no idea where I will go next- but I know it's going to be good. But sometimes I get ahead of myself and try to over plan for a future I have no control of. Here's the low down:

Breaking my talus in January and being misdiagnosed for a month wasn't that big of a deal at first, things break, things heal, right? Now that I have a better understanding of the damage that was caused, and after seeing no progress in healing, I am forced to entertain the idea that I might not walk by fall. There are many logistical battles that go along with that but the one I lay in bed rolling over and over in my mind is nursing school.

I'm pondering the ideas of trust and expectation. I trust in the Lord, I know He is good and He will lay out a path before me that illustrates His goodness. What I'm stuck on is what that trust looks like. I was reminded by a dear friend a couple days ago of how many road blocks God has demolished for me to get into school, she asked if I trusted God to continue to get me into school. I don't know if I do. I know that God is good and if I am not able to go to school because of my foot then He has another, better path. I don't know if I am selling my faith short by not expecting God to fulfill this path, one in which I do feel like the He has blessed (and continues to, even now).

I guess I just answered my own question- He is blessing this path, next week I have an interview with LB's program and have been accepted to all the schools for which I applied. I now wait for the schools of nursing within those schools to accept me. I continue to excel in school even with this malady (all God- definitely not me). God is bringing me further and further along this path, it's me who is setting up road blocks for God- I won't be able to walk, I won't be able to do clinicals, I won't be able to be a nurse if I can't walk.

None of those things are from God, yes, those are possibilities but as of right now, God is still leading me down this path, therefore, I do need to trust and expect that He will get me there. If He doesn't, He will reveal that to me. I need to trust in the fact that our God is an interacting God, one who communicates with His people- even me. Praise God for His mercy and grace.


  1. seriously, you're amazing...i love how introspective you have been throughout this process - evaluating your heart and continually giving it back to God. you have recognized the struggle and chosen to entrust it to Him. What an example of a living relationship with the Father.
    I fully believe we're going to see a miracle in your life. God has stretched you far beyond comfortable and has given you new eyes for His people - but His name is going to be glorified in THIS and EVERY situation. He is going to bring His plan to light and we are all going to stand in wonder. I am so blessed to be your friend and get to experience this journey alongside you.

    "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” – Elizabeth Kubler Ros

    you my friend are beautiful and iloveyou SO VERY MUCH! i'll continue to pray for you daily - and can't wait to see what is to come!

  2. Anonymous11:03 PM

    "I am restless until I rest in you."

  3. I'm so grateful to know you. You bless me. All struggle is difficult, from the seemingly small daily frustrations of life, to the overwhelming and incapacitating situations and difficulties we sometimes find ourselves in (such as where you are right now). The beautiful part is that no matter the degree, you seem to know with confidence and expectation that the Lord has it. He's holding, guiding, and leading your life. Inspiring.

    I LOVE the quote that Shelly wrote by Elizabeth Kubler Ros.. so perfect! And so very much how I feel you are. You are that friend for me in this season. Compassionate, gentle, and showing deep love and concern when I can't do as you do, and trust the Lord in all circumstances. Thank you for modeling that to me. I'm so very grateful for you.
    Love you my friend!!