scorekeeping, it's nice to be back.

At home physical therapy is quite tricky, it's intentionally taking time each day to put yourself in crazy amounts of pain- thank God for the discipline He's given me, on top of the miracle of healing!

Free Fallin'

good cover, John Mayer.

It's a long story... #3

About 3 1/2 weeks into "recovery" I knew something was not right, it felt like my foot was not connected to my leg (a retrospective "duh" always pops into my head at this point in the story). I went in to see another doctor and he took new x-rays. He suggested I start walking on it as much as I could even though I told him that my foot was not connected to my leg. When I "walked" it was like I was shoving my leg into my foot and using the whole thing more like a cane than a leg. Apparently he didn't understand and sent me on my way, there was no way I could walk so I was still on crutches while randomly shoving my leg into my foot. About 8 hours later I got out of class and found about 15 texts on my phone, 6 missed calls, and a bunch of voice mails.


After I had left the doctor's that day, the x-rays had been sent off to radiology for an expert to look at them. It was here where the giant fracture in my talus was found and the doctors started to panic for telling me to walk on it. I was immediately scheduled for surgery. They explained to me that the nature of my injury was very unique and there would be a team of 3 surgeons working on my foot. This isn't something anyone wants to hear, I wanted to hear "oh, we do this all the time, we know exactly what to do." Instead there was a looming unknown on both parts- the doctors and myself. It all happened so fast though that I didn't have much time to process any of it so I went in, came out, and knew that God had a plan for whatever was going to happen.


They were right, the injury was quite unique: I had fractured the dome top of the talus off and it flipped totally upside down and sat inverted for the month I had been misdiagnosed. Everyone is baffled as to how this actually was accomplished but the surgeons took care of it, drilled in a bioabsorbable pin (no metal!) to connect the two pieces and called it a day.

It's a long story... #2

At about 8:45am my body was fully extended on the climb (meaning I was totally stretched out, not crunched up) and my left foot slipped from the boulder and unfortunately it landed right between two pads, a space of about 8-10 inches. I hit the ground and was slightly confused because I knew my left foot had just landed on solid ground but it was not in pain. Hmm... I lifted my leg up and my poor foot just sort of dangled there. At this point my brain was calculating that this was a very bad thing and my body almost went into shock, I warned the guys I was with that I might possibly faint and my nausea was out of control. Luckily, I did not faint and was able to control my breathing. One of the guys I was with worked at a physical therapy clinic and was able to palpate my foot without me being in very much pain, we both assumed my foot was not broken. He taped my foot up really well (by the grace of God I had thrown a roll of tape in my bag just for good measure). Everyone assured me that is was impossible to get cell reception out there but I tried calling my dad anyway. Miraculously the call went through and my dad, whose phone was on silent, answered. I told him the situation I was in and asked him to pick me up at the ranger's station at the entrance of the park. The guys dropped me off and I waited about an hour for my dad to pick me up. Thank God I had prepared for the desert cold!


My dad came driving up to save me and I felt better already. He suggested we go home, get some crutches from the garage, and call urgent clinics. We did just that and found a clinic with minimal wait time. I got in, got x-rayed, and was diagnosed with a severe sprain. I was not able to walk but the pain wasn't too bad. I was told it could take up to a month to heal so I trusted the doctor and went on my way.

It's a long story... #1

Alright people, this is the start to my amazing learning-to-walk-again journey! First off, perhaps I shall tell you the story of how I got put in this predicament. On January 9, 2011 I fell from an easy V1 climb on Chocolate Boulders out in Joshua Tree. I was bouldering, a type of climbing where ropes are not used but instead large pads are brought out to the desert for "catching falls." I had been bouldering off and on for about two years, steady for a year. During this time I had taken many falls, generally the pads paired with good spotters prevent injuries.

broken foot + flu + allergies + good sense of humor = nothing is going to stop me

n.i.c.k.i b.l.u.h.m

a sweet song for a sweet monday.

::viahttp://www.anderssonwise.com/::

"By reading the scriptures I am so renewed that all nature seems renewed around me and with me. The sky seems to be a pure, a cooler blue, the trees a deeper green. The whole world is charged with the glory of God and I feel fire and music under my feet."

-Thomas Merton

A Marathon of Thoughts

You know that stage where your bed is so comfortable you do not want to get out of it but your mind is racing a million miles a minute so staying in bed is anything but relaxing? I feel like I just ran a marathon, in my head.

Throughout this season of helplessness, I am forced to surrender my future, yet again. It's such a beautiful thing to see God orchestrate my life, I have no idea where I will go next- but I know it's going to be good. But sometimes I get ahead of myself and try to over plan for a future I have no control of. Here's the low down:

Breaking my talus in January and being misdiagnosed for a month wasn't that big of a deal at first, things break, things heal, right? Now that I have a better understanding of the damage that was caused, and after seeing no progress in healing, I am forced to entertain the idea that I might not walk by fall. There are many logistical battles that go along with that but the one I lay in bed rolling over and over in my mind is nursing school.

I'm pondering the ideas of trust and expectation. I trust in the Lord, I know He is good and He will lay out a path before me that illustrates His goodness. What I'm stuck on is what that trust looks like. I was reminded by a dear friend a couple days ago of how many road blocks God has demolished for me to get into school, she asked if I trusted God to continue to get me into school. I don't know if I do. I know that God is good and if I am not able to go to school because of my foot then He has another, better path. I don't know if I am selling my faith short by not expecting God to fulfill this path, one in which I do feel like the He has blessed (and continues to, even now).

I guess I just answered my own question- He is blessing this path, next week I have an interview with LB's program and have been accepted to all the schools for which I applied. I now wait for the schools of nursing within those schools to accept me. I continue to excel in school even with this malady (all God- definitely not me). God is bringing me further and further along this path, it's me who is setting up road blocks for God- I won't be able to walk, I won't be able to do clinicals, I won't be able to be a nurse if I can't walk.

None of those things are from God, yes, those are possibilities but as of right now, God is still leading me down this path, therefore, I do need to trust and expect that He will get me there. If He doesn't, He will reveal that to me. I need to trust in the fact that our God is an interacting God, one who communicates with His people- even me. Praise God for His mercy and grace.

carpe diem

::via treyspeegle::

There are many terrible things about being in a cast for 4 months, one that tops the list: Mold growing on your exposed toes.

Rock Harbor's 80's prom. totally.

can I have this now, please.

so right about now I want to quit school and live in a hut. the only thing cool about this week is that I got to measure my own heart's electrical output and print my own EKG. Oh, well you know that's not the only cool thing, God is of course at work here in my life which is sometimes painful, mostly joyful and always incredibly overwhelming (in the best sense). so I guess in full recap this week has been glorious, please just let me ace my test...

a love letter for you, and this is my favorite.

(via aloveletterforyou.com)

I have the most beautiful sister in the world, thank you to my friend Amber for capturing these.

"'... whenever the heart begins to burn with a desire for God, she is made able to receive the uncreated light and, inspired and fulfilled by the gifts of the Holy Ghost, she tastes the joys of heaven. She transcends all visible things and is raised to the sweetness of eternal life... Herein truly is perfect love; when all the intent of the mind, all the secret working of the heart, is lifted up into the love of God.' That God can be known by the soul in tender personal experience while remaining infinitely aloof from the curious eyes of reason constitutes a paradox best described as

Darkness to the intellect

Sunshine to the heart

-Frederick W. Faber"

Exerpt from The Knowledge of the Holy, A.W. Tozer

i love captured rain drops.

10.19.10

belle and sebastian love today.

I just downloaded every belle and sebastian song ever recorded onto my ipod and just thought I'd share the love today.

love, love, love.

mexico.medical.missions.I

seeing my previous blogs reminds me how inconsistent I am. I want to live my life entirely for Christ but then go and post a blog about how I want Chloe $400 shoes. really? Wow. Life in perspective, keep me in check people. I thank the Lord He is merciful and gracious. Speaking of grace here is my post about God graciously letting me go to mexico:




After tossing and turning all night I woke up at 5am to start my day, not pretty. I was so tired I could barely stand; I stumbled to get dressed, grabbed my iced coffee (made the previous day) and took my breakfast to go. I prayed on the way that God would fill me with energy for the day, that despite not knowing anyone I would be able to convey my joy and excitement for serving alongside these people and be intentional about getting to know them. I also prayed that God would give me a spirit of flexibility, although I knew how I wanted the day to go, I wanted first and foremost to be moved by His spirit (this was really spoken out of fear that I would have to do children’s ministry, something I’m not particularly good at). And of course, God totally gave me natural joy in Him and the energy that I had been praying for, I was able to meet some amazing women and the car ride down to Mexico was so uplifting!

Crossing the border into Mexico, I felt a strange feeling, one I’ve had before: you’re home. I’m not really sure what this means seeing as I’ve had this feeling in numerous countries in Central America but it brought me to tears. Through the short thirty minute drive to Rojo Gomez God continually whispered to me, 'these are my people, I know each of their names and have knitted each one in their mother’s womb, please love them'. I was so excited and filled with a divine peace, I couldn’t wait to see God move.

We arrived at the school, unpacked all the equipment and received our assignments. I was assigned to dental! Now, I don’t want to be a dentist but I was so excited to be able to assist Ed, my new dentist friend from Egypt, and see how this ministry works in a really up close and tangible way. So, with all the student desks sterilized, having learned how to work the portable autoclave and how the order of the room would work, we suited up in our “sterile” suits, eyes glasses, face masks, gloves, and began pulling teeth.

Now God is again, so amazing. He totally placed me in a room where I could be excited and have hands on experience to medical missions but He did not forget to remind me to lean on Him. The majority of our patients were children. Man, I thought normal child interaction was difficult for me but trying to calm down a child who is about to have a giant needle shoved into their gums and their teeth yanked out was faaaaar beyond my scope of skills. Wouldn’t you know it, God totally worked in me! I was able, in spanish mind you, to calm and support these little ones and have love, compassion and joy in doing it. Memories of working with those children bring a smile to face even as I write this.

The day ended with so much love and excitement at seeing God work by not only healing physically but by showing each one of us His love for humanity. God has bigger and better plans than I could ever imagine and I am constantly reminded of this. To God is the glory.

PS- Please pray for our dear sweet child Jose, he is 10 years old with muscular dystrophy. He is a brave little boy with so much life to live. Pray for the Lord to take a hold of his heart and please pray for healing.