"As we keep our eyes directed at the One who says, 'Do not be afraid,' we may slowly let go of our fear. We will learn to live in a world without zealously defended borders. We will be free to see the suffering of other people, free to respond not with defensiveness, but with compassion, with peace, with ourselves." -Henri Nouwen

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” 
 -M.T. or H.J.B., whoever said it, said it well.

wednesday paper-writing love.

A good little break while writing my paper, she makes falling in love sound so good.

{via}

happy friday.

mental.

 “The only way to beat my crazy was by doing something even crazier. Thank you. I love you. I knew it from the moment I saw you. I'm sorry it took me so long to catch up.” -SLP

I just saw Silver Linings Playbook and it rocked my world, I'm still waiting to find my crazy...

love.

must make time

Missing home, missing music, missing books, missing time... must make time to soak life in. In the mean time, here's a new rendition of my favorite Christmas song...

Makes my heart sing.

It's rare to have a piece of music capture my soul so completely, my heart leaps and crumbles as the notes are played. Happy Tuesday.

Christmas Tree Hunting

Saturday my friends and I went up to the lake and cut down our very own Christmas tree! It was such a beautiful day and so refreshing to soak in the splendor of the Lord's creation. I never knew that people actually went into the forest and cut down their own tree, it was so much fun. We hunted for the perfect one (of course trying to get everyone to agree on the tree was slightly difficult). Treading through the snow, taking endless pictures, and of course laughing the entire time reminded me how the Lord shows His love for us not only through His creation but through the interactions between our brethren. During this difficult season of my life the Lord continues to bless me and He gives me eyes to see those blessings. Good is good, all the time.

riding through the snow on a...quad!

O.R. scrubs... oh are they?

Today was insanely awesome! I got to sit in on two surgeries- an open heart surgery and a craniotomy (brain surgery). I have never seen anything so cool. The heart surgery was beautiful- the cracking of the sternum, the heart pumping in all of its glory, the severing and reconnecting arteries with blood spraying out with each pump- it was unreal. I opted not to take lunch so I could join in on the craniotomy. I never knew the skull was so blasted thick, the surgeon drilled four giant holes and then proceeded to saw from hole to hole making a perfect rectangle and just grabbed the piece out and revealed the dura mater, then sliced through the dura mater to reveal the pulsating brain. u.n.r.e.a.l. I was six inches away from the patient's exposed brain- all thoughts, memories, desires, functions, and more are controlled by this organ, but after today it is even more apparent that we are not our brains. We are so much more, the breath of life God breathes into us makes us who we are. Today was a beautiful reminder of the precision and perfection with which God created us.

PS- please tell me someone in the universe gets my Rushmore reference?!

::via:: {happythings}

I think I want to be a farmer.

Yesterday I got to go "help" harvest rice with my friend, Peter. His family has been farming rice for generations; his sister, Katie, my dear friend, worked a season of harvest once too! I thought coming to Chico would give me that "slow pace, nature everywhere" vibe but it hasn't. There is still tons of people hustling along in life, cars everywhere, and drunk students lining downtown (granted it's way slower than Orange County!). I didn't notice my supressed desire unitl I started driving out to the fields, this is the pace I'm craving at the moment. My soul is at such peace staring at miles of open land. It was a day of much relaxation, just sitting in the bank out or harvester watching the rice being cut up, sucked in, and filled into trucks. I'm not sure where the Lord will take me in life but I am so thankful for the opportunities to slow down and enjoy His good earth.

This is the "top of the line harvester"- it even has air conditioning in the cab!

Peter let me "drive" the bank out for this picture. The bank out drives up alongside the harvester and receives all the rice the harevster (picture above) has collected, then the bank out drives away to dump the rice in to trucks which then take the rice to the dryer. Farming is an occupation that develops much patience and humility- your crops are totally dependent on nature, in other words- God. This is exactly how we should view our lives, I definitely need to be reminded of that!

click on this video!

This is my passion, I can't wait to be one of the people who get to go out and make such a difference in the physical health of so many people. With this effort I pray that the Lord's glory and love will be revealed and impact the spiritual health of all those who are suffering.

it's been a while.

I went to a Roller Derby bout a couple weekends ago, one of my classmates is part of the NorCal Roller Girls. I had no idea what to expect, so the night before I had a couple people over and we watched Whip It (awesome, btw). That night I decided two things 1.) My sister looks so much like Juno 2.) I can never play derby because I already have enough aggression as it is and smashing girls and skating fast would only exacerbate the problem. The bout was fun, it was different than the movie because they played on a flat rink, which means that the fans can totally get smashed by the girls falling, haha! I saw some hard hits and some pretty serious falls, it was very entertaining.

jammers.

Voy a escalar las montañas.

Praise God, He is so good to me, I am overwhelmed by His grace in my life! I am not only able to walk, be in nursing school, but I am able to climb! Last night was my first day back on the rock, it felt totally natural to climb- no fear, no hesitation, just climbing... wonderful!

ps- I was wearing my purple shoes on the infamous fall of January 9th, needless to say I wore the tan ones last night ;)

Perfect Sunday

Nicki Bluhm

Today was Taste of Chico, a food and beer festival. I was strolling along tasting some delicious treats when I stumbled upon one of my favorite singers- Nicki Bluhm. This made my freaking week! I absolutely love her, I posted my favorite song here months ago, you need to listen to it. Later on I got to chat with her in the beer garden, she wears heart shaped sun glasses too- we're soul mates. To top the day off, her husband's band, The Mother Hips, played as well. Thank you Chico, I love you.

The Mother Hips

Simulation Center

Today we went to the Simulation Center where we got to practice on mannequins. These are fully operating computer people. There are babies, adults, and "Noelle"- the pregnant mother who actually gives birth! These things are crazy! "Noelle" can have her baby slowly, quickly, breech or she can have postpartum bleeding and start dying and her baby can start dying, etc, etc. The scenarios are made up by the professors and then programmed into the computer and these dummies actually act like real people. We can give them IV's, take their pulse, bp, respirations (their chest's rise and fall like real breaths), they have heart sounds and so much more! The Sim Lab is designed to put us in high stress situations and equip us for when emergencies happen. Stressssssful in Sim Lab, stressssssssful in real life.

iPhones and red sox

2.5 games behind, let's change that.

I didn't get an iPhone for many reasons, the main two being money and materialism. Since I was forced to purchase an iPhone for my program I have to use it. Let me just say the iPhone is pure magic, it does so many things so quickly and anywhere! I know I should say the most important app I have is my drug reference guide or medical dictionary but really it's my At Bat app- instant Red Sox updates. They will make it to the world series, they have to, I have the app for that!